Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Getting back on path
2 more months to 2009. Too many things happened in the past 10 months. Happy, frustrating and monotonous... Life went on. Along the way, I think I've already lost myself, my sense of direction, my dreams and vision. I needed to settle down and think through life all over again. Cos I've lost myself in the midst of these quick pace of life.
A few of my aunties commented that if I ever wanna get married, I must marry an angmoh, or at least someone other than an Asian. Reason being, I'm too independent and ambition for any Chinese guy. I admit, I'm very much a leader, who often leads, in the small and big things. A visionary, an idealist, a dreamer, a doer. Too many times and too many things I tend to take charge. Given a chance to give up the reign, I would also wanna depend on one who can lead my life.
Just when I thought it was time and I was ready to take on an amazing chance of my life, I realised that I couldn't move on any further. I'm frailer than I imagined. Seeing so many of the people around me having unhappy and tiring relationships, I had to admit that I'm scared. Wanting to be loved but scared to love. I rather cherish what I have now. A friend, a confidante. I know if we ever move on further from where we are now, and if it doesn't work out the way I want, I'll hate him for life. Knowing my temper, I know I would for sure hate him to the core, leaving another emotional scar. Then I will lose another good friend, a confidante. Just as I thought I've let go the past, I indeed have. But the fact is, that experience has scarred me very badly that I'm fearful of what's ahead.
I took almost 4 years to recover from the past, working non-stop, using work to immune myself, to forget the past, to disown the past relationship. For now, I know to distant myself from him, I must keep myself super occupied. He has motivated me to pursue what I've always believed and wanted to do. Be it for him or for myself, I'm going after my dreams. For myself, I wanna let the party and wild side of me out too.
I used to plan what I wanted, and here's my big plan for my next 5 years.
-Get my Masters in Taxation in 2009
-Get my Masters in Professional Accounting in 2010
-Get a car by 2010
-Becoming a CPA by 2012
-Holiday every year to Korea, USA and Europe
-Start of my cakery and cafe by 2013
With my big plans, I doubt I'll have time to spare for someone else. I wanna work, work and work, study, study and study!! Yes, I'll eventually become a studying machine for the next 2 years!Labels: Plans
OH, i'm so in love with victorian at {/12:37 AM}
