Friday, December 30, 2005
God is crying for me
It's time to end. Everything has to end. Or perhaps nothing began in the first place.
I thot I would cry, not just tearing, but crying and weeping hysterically. But I couldn't. My mind just got crippled and I couldn't think. I wonder why I wasn't crying. Am I hurt? I dunno. Perhaps I din love him so much in the first place. Or perhaps I never did. But shouldn't I still end all these crap with a big cry? Something in me is yearning to scream out loud. I really want to scream it out loud.
I know I cry a lot. Many thot I like to cry, including my parents, but I'm always crying normally and quietly. I want to do this in a different way.
But still I dun think I'm crying. Perhaps my tear glands are not functioning. Or perhaps my tears for him have been used up. I'm just not crying as I thot I should at the very minimum. Perhaps I'm just waiting for the triggering point.
Everything I did for him, I got nothing in exchange, but just a scald scar on my palm. The pain from that scald was unbearable. But the fresh surface wound no longer hurt now. But why I am still bearing all the pain which is infinitely painful.
Dun tell me he cares for me when he pushed me from Heaven to hell and when I started to stand up, he said he cares again and threw me back to hell from a greater height.
I couldn't cry. I have to act normal in front of everybody, including my daddy and mommy. I so much wanted to tell them my feelings. I yearn for a hug and hush from my daddy and mommy. I wish they could cry with me and just tell me everything is gonna be alright.
Even when a heart is broken, it'll continue to beat on. Life goes on.
Everytime I step outdoor alone, it would be raining. God is crying for me. He is there to cry with me. But I needed a shoulder. Yet I know I can still stand strong cos God is supporting me. I belong to HIM and my destiny is in His hands.
I need to cry it out before 2006 begins cos I never wanna cry for him or over him ever again. Cant wait for 2005 to end cos there's nothing I could rejoice about throughout the year. The greatest regret I'll ever have is never let him know how I felt. I need a new beginning. I need........
OH, i'm so in love with victorian at {/12:29 AM}
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Romantic Candlelight Service (2)
Saturday, December 17, 2005
The Romantic Candlelight Service
Today was the 2nd weekend service we have at the Singapore Expo. Having only move in there for 2 weeks and preparing for the festive mood, Pastor Kong arranged for a candlelight service this weekend to gear us up with the Christmas mood.
O well.. I really din realised that the year is coming to an end soon and honestly I still dun really have the Christmas celebration mood and without the sense of urgency to buy presents for anyone yet. O perhaps that was before today.
Today's service was wonderful.. The most beautiful one I've had so far. This candlelight service is the first one that City Harvest ever had in the entire church history of 16 years. Though short but wonderful.
The hall was dimmed and Pst Kong lit his candle and using the flame of his candle to lit the zone pastors' candles and the zone pastors walked down the aisle to light the congregation's candles. Can anyone even imagine what would it be like to have 7000 over people in the hall with 7000 over candles lighted up? The sight is beyond words description.
Holding on to the candles and singing carols, these certainly spurted up the Christmas spirit in me. More than that, we are called to be the light to the world. All the more we've gotta shine brightly for God in the world of darkness.
I really wish to show u pictures of the candlelight service but too bad, cos the security din allow me to take pictures. I really wish for more of such service. I hope we can have one every year. =)
OH, i'm so in love with victorian at {/11:43 PM}
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Oh Christmas Tree
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree....
Lalalala....
Pa bought a new 6-ft tall Christmas tree today. Hooray...
The last one was 5-ft tall and it was my childhood Christmas tree but was thrown away by my "HOLY" aunt who said that it's demonic. Rubbish....
I wont let her lay hand on my new tree..
Shall decorate it soon.. soon I think since Christmas is just round the corner. :)
OH, i'm so in love with victorian at {/11:58 PM}
