I dunno what I'm doing and what I'm thinking. Today Pst Kong prayed for all the cell group leaders and helpers during service. I din go up cos I'm no longer a helper. Dun really wanna be one in W161. As pst was ministering to the leaders and helpers in front, and as I was worshipping at my seat, I suddenly felt a hard push at the back of my left shoulder. But the problem is there was no one sitting behind me. The nearest person from my back was about 2metres away. Then suddenly I felt a warm air surrounding me. Super weird to feel warm in an auditorium where the air con is on to full blash.
There and then heard God speaking to me. "Why are u still standing here, my child? U should be in front." In front? At the altar? For what? I began to reason with God. (Well how many of u know that the dumbest thing to do is to reason with God? cos no one can ever out-talk Him.) "I'm not a helper anymore. I dun wanna to be a helper, God. Not now."
Then God showed me a vision of me (when I was a little girl. Bluah... There was like so many years ago.). I fell down and was crying so loudly on the floor, stamping my feet like a "spoilt" bratz, no no... like a pampered little princess, wanting attention from a person of a higher authority over my life to nurse my wound and carry me.
God came and nursed my wound and healed me. But now the problem is that I refused to stand up on my own, still sitting at the same spot where I fell and crying to be carried. Bluah bluah.... There and then, I felt so convicted. God was saying "You are well enough to stand and walk on your own. Why are u still so stubborn? You've gotta to learn to climb up and stand on your feet from where you fell. Although you might limp along the way, I'll still hold on to you and support you."
"Me? God, You sure it's me? Can I? But I really dun wanna be a helper in W161." Ok.. I know that's a mega bad thought. Dun see what I can do in cg now. Although I was the main helper then, times have changed now. Furthermore, felt super-pressurised by Max these days. So sian. Adrian daren't stress me anymore after the last episode we had in front of bro Ian. Now is Max's turn. I know I'm super stubborn cum a little rebellious. But I shall just "ren" Max a little while more. Had to admit that Max can be real fun when he doesn't get pushy and act like the "old" Adrian.
Well the last time when Angeline needed my help in children church during Easter, I asked her to call Adrian to ask la. In the end, dunno what Adrian said to her that made her super pissed. Never seen her so angry before. She somemore asked me to change cg and rush Bro Ian about it immediately after Easter. But I told her, I'm immune liao. Shall just "ren" til after my exams. Her reply "Wau, then your 'ren gong' must be real good to tahan til after exams. But I really cant stand him even over the phone" Haha.. Angeline is always the super amiable and patient one. To hear such a remark from her, I know she must be real mad about the call. She even suggested that I should go MIA. Siao la... But not too bad an idea for the next 2 weeks when Weiting is away. Cos then I'll be the only girl in cg. Next week the guys are gonna play pool before cg meeting. Bluah... I dunno how to play. I can picture myself dress in Cinderella's torn and worn rag clothes, cleaning each and every ball after their game. Hahahahaha.....
But what so ever, there's a reason behind every God's calling. Since He has called me, I just had to respond to it. But now I really just wanna focus on choir and COPE. Cg can wait. God, just show me what You want me to do in cg. I dun wanna think anymore.
