I've always been trying to forget. I know I said uncountable times that I'll forget about the past. But today what Sy Rogers said brought me to an awakening point. The blood of Jesus can wash away our sins and redeem us, but yet it doesn't wash away memories and vulnerability. MEMORIES...
I made the mistake which Sy Rogers committed too. Trying to hold back and suppress my emotions and memories within my own control, to try to be a good and obedient child of God. Pst Sy was right. That wont last for long.
I dont wish to dwell in the past either and tried to submit all my memories to God, but somehow forcing myself to rip away all my memories with him was painful and unbearable. I just have to learn to submit to God's authority completely. Only then I know that memories do can still stay intact, but it would have lost it's authority and power in my life.
Read in the book which Weiting bought. There's an illustration of a girl who tried to forget about her ex. When she failed, she set into depression. After counselling, she tried to get away from everything associated with her ex, including leaving her hometown to study in another state.
I wish I could do that too. I tried. I kept away everything we had a part together. But where can I move to? How big is Singapore lo? I'll still see him in church, in ministry. I cant possibly not go to Orchard and Bugis although I admit that everytime when I go to places which both of us been to, I'll still think of him. But both of us have been to so many places together. If I were to avoid these places, then I might as well stay at home forever.
Honestly, one of the reasons why I wanted to go to NTU was also to siam him. I dont wish to have anything to do or associated with him anymore, which includes the school we attend too, although both of us from different course and he's a part-time student and I'm a full-time one.
I cant just forget everything just by saying it only. If forgetting is so easy, I wont be in pain anymore. How I wish I got amnesia, so that I can forget completely.
God, take all the memories that are haunting me and I'll submit to Your authority to fix me back.
